What I learnt from Brene’ Brown

This week I attended Brene Brown – Dare To Lead.
If you don’t know who Brene Brown is I suggest you look her up. She is someone who is changing how we see ourselves, each other and leadership. Her work is based on extensive hours of research, studies and training based around shame and vulnerability. Emotions we often try to avoid yet where so much growth and learning occurs.

I had so many takeaways during the day, but what I want to share with you is one which I think will really impact leaders in education and that is leadership is about self-awareness.

I chose this to share as I so easily relate to this, my own experiences on my journey with myself and how that has impacted me as a leader.

You see leadership to me has been a journey about understanding myself. Understanding the good and bad my strengths and weaknesses. My areas for development and straight-up owning and taking responsibility for and accepting some stuff I just didn’t want to own.

This is leadership.

Leaning into the uncomfortable. Being vulnerable. Embracing the suck. Choosing courage over comfort.

It’s not easy.

I don’t think. It’s supposed or be.

I think it’s supposed to be hard. To. Challenge us beyond comfort to allow ourselves to grow and change and evolve into who we know is inside but who we ignore because we want or be safe.

Safe isn’t leadership.

Safe is staying the same.

Leaders don’t live here.

Leaders live where it’s scary and unsafe. Where it’s unpredictable and painful. Where we can fall and not know how to get up. This is leadership.

Whether in work or life or relationships or family we can all find ourselves needing to lead. Lead with courage. Lead from heart. Lead not for now but for how you know it can be.

This is leadership.

Getting things done on time – why deadlines actually help to give you more time!

Deadlines can sometimes be scary. Deadlines put pressure on people. Maybe they make you feel anxious or overwhelmed, maybe a deadline even makes you doubt yourself, and whether or not you can actually do the job.

Not all deadlines, however, are the same.

Deadlines are also a way of making sure something happens.

By putting a deadline in place, it can increase our productivity, it can make us more focused and it can ensure that we use our time more wisely.

By having a deadline our thought patterns can shift. A deadline can create urgency around something, it can make it more important, it can become a ‘must do’.

Our life actually has deadlines in it all the time.

A birthday is a deadline. A birthday is a point in time which you must meet if you want to wish that person happy birthday, if you want to give them a gift, make them feel special and show that you care. A birthday is a deadline you can’t miss. You can’t put someone else’s birthday off you, can’t change the date and you can’t get to it later, it is a deadline that you have to meet. Paying off a holiday is also a deadline. If you don’t make the payment, you don’t go on holiday. Now we all love holidays, so the urgency around making sure that we pay for the holiday is a very important deadline.

Why is it that we can adhere to some deadlines in our life but not others? And why is it that some things have deadlines and others don’t?

Deadlines have actually changed how I see the simple tasks in my life. Planning, report writing, writing my logs, scheduling my FB posts; I give each of these things a deadline. By putting in my own deadline, I am saying to myself, that I commit to getting this done by a certain point in time.

This is important. It shows I value my work, it shows I value my own time and it shows I value the tasks I need to complete.

Now some people find this really hard to deal with, I even get questions about why I structure my day in such a tight, routine way. But this all comes down to one thing, productivity. By having deadlines in place, I allow myself to be productive, and when I’m productive it means that I get things done, and when I get things done it means I have more time to do the things I love.

Deadlines and productivity for me at all about freedom. Essentially we are all aiming for some sort of freedom, whether we realise it or not. Freedom means we have time to do what we love, we have time to spend with our loved ones, time to read, time to go on more holidays and have more adventures, time for more variety in our life and time to be more relaxed and happy. Ultimately this is what we are all aiming for. It is part of achieving work-life balance.

Deadlines are a reflection of excellence. By meeting deadlines it shows that you have a high standard around yourself, who you are, how you carry yourself and how you act. It’s not about saying that you value necessarily the task or the work at hand, it says that you value your time, you value yourself and you value what you give.
So if you struggle with time, if you struggle with deadlines, if you struggle with productivity or if you struggle with getting things done, I suggest you start introducing deadlines along the way, even for the small tasks. Try introducing deadlines for marking, try introducing deadlines for putting up a display, try introducing deadlines for when you want to have all your lunches made for the week, when you want the washing to be done, or deadlines for when you finish working each night or being on social media.

If this sounds like something you would like to implement, take advantage of my 20-minute FREE strategy session and we can talk about how to improve the deadlines and productivity in your life. PM or email me to book in your time now.

You are what you say you are!

A few weeks back I did a FB live about language, about what we say to ourselves as we head back to school, what we tell ourselves– seems kind of funny to think that the language we use can impact our day, but truth is it does, in so many ways.
Language shapes how we see the world, how we feel and how we are able to deal with certain situations. I am sure you all know of a time where you have heard a student say things like ‘I’m dumb’ or ‘(Name) is stupid’, and our response was most likely ‘Don’t talk like that, it’s not nice’. Our response is true, it’s not nice, but what we need to understand is what they say is what they believe to be true. It is an insight into how they see the world.
The same applies for us. We are constantly telling ourselves things, practicing self-talk we don’t even realise we are doing and saying things out loud which again we don’t realise are doing us more harm than good.
It is our self-talk, the things we tell ourselves, out beliefs which make us who we are (If you aren’t sure what I mean, I cover this in my 10 week ‘Teacher get your life back ‘ program if you want to know more.) This means we need to start to pay attention to the things we say and think. For example, if we are constantly telling ourselves and saying to colleges ‘I’m soooo tired’, then guess what, you’ll be tired and if you continuously say ‘I just don’t have nay time’, then guess what, you will have no time.
So why does this happen?
Well it’s all ego. If this is what we tell ourselves then there is no way we can be wrong, so ego and our unconscious mind makes it happen (thanks ego). Even though you may be thinking you want more time, or you don’t want to be tried, the negative weighs out the positive. All our brain hears is the negative, so this is what we get.
Now don’t worry, it’s easier to change than you think. Instead of saying ‘I’m tired’ replace this with ‘I have plenty of energy’, instead of saying ‘I have no time’ replace this with ‘I have enough time to do what I need’. o
There are some key things to remember though. Your brain is like a muscle, so you will need to train it to think like this, which means catching it in the moment and replacing it with your new thought. This is hard, abs aren’t built overnight and neither are new neural pathways in your brain. It takes time for muscles to grow, and this is a new muscle so stick with it and keep building that muscle in your brain (I explain this in my 10 week program too).
Give it a go and let me know what happens for you.
Notice other thoughts which aren’t working for you eithers, easy, just change them to the thoughts you want to have and add them into your new way of thinking.

5 things to implement on your first week back!

5 things to Implement on your first week back!

So you are back. Holiday mode is off and school mode is back on. You have swapped late nights for laminating, sleep ins for staff meetings and pool parties for planning. The summer holidays are officially over!

By now you have most likely started to get your school mode up and going, your students are either with you, or arriving in the next few days, you have your name labels printed, door display up and the pots ready to be filled with pencils. The new year buzz and excitement is around you, you can feel it, but so is something else…

It is this time of year we get confused about our emotions; excited for our new class, mew responsibilities and new things to teach but also scared, doubtful, worried, our head fills with thoughts we just can’t escape…

‘Will I be good enough for these students?’

‘ Will my students learn?’

‘Will the parents like me?’

‘Will I have enough time for each of them?’

‘Will I have enough time for myself and my family?’

‘How much work will I have to do on the weekend?’

All of these thoughts are normal, we all have them, but what you need to understand is that none of this needs to be true, these are just thoughts designed by your ego to keep you safe. Safe is good. But change means getting a little uncomfortable, going into the unknown, trying new things, and new things can be hard, which is why we like things to be the same and the ego is around to keep us safe.

However, if you want change, if you want things to be different or you want to just know you are improving, you have to try new things. And what better time is there than now?

The start of the year is perfect for starting new ways of doing things, that’s why so many people start the year with new years resolutions or goals; fresh year, fresh start.

So this year, I challenge you to implement some new things which I can honestly have honestly helped me to make better use of my time, get more done and reduce the stress I have felt.

5 things to Implement on your first week back!

  1. Routine

If you ever read, hear or listen to anything about successful people ad how they manage to achieve so much they always talk about establishing and sticking to a routine. Routine is great for so many reasons, it ensures you maximise time by having set things to do, you don’t waste time wondering what to do with the time you have, and your brain loves it. Routine means predictability, safety and no surprises, which means you brain is ready before you even start, and productivity is up.

  1. Establish a home time

Home time. The bell rings, all the students run out the door with their bags over their shoulders and you breathe a sigh of relief thinking: ‘Now I can get to work’. Your to-do list is long, you have parents to call and a meeting to go to. Home time for you is a long way off…

Home time though is really important, not just so you can go and be with your family, but so you can switch off, breathe easy and again, it’s routine. Before you eye roll and think it just isn’t possible, there is one more piece of advice I have. Before going home, make sure you have everything ready for tomorrow; resources made, photocopied and organised, day planned out and things ready to go. Everything else can wait, and you can go home.

  1. Make the most of the little bits of time you have – they add up

Time – the one thing we all want more of. Only, time really is plentiful, it is just how we use it that makes a difference. I often hear teachers say they don’t have enough time, that they haven’t had any time during the day to do anything. Yet, we always seem to have time for a coffee break, a chat in the playground or a visit to a colleague in the afternoon. Now I am not saying we shouldn’t do these things. All of these things are important, and you should do them every now and then, but do you need to do all 3 every day?

There are hidden bits of time here which you can use to the quick and easy jobs; have your coffee while marking homework, cut out resources over lunch with colleagues or use the afternoon conversation as a chance to get together and do some marking or change a display. All the little moments add up.

  1. Mindfulness and gratitude are a must

I work alot with teachers on mindfulness and gratitude. Whist they are common words at the moment and we talk about them to our students, pausing and applying them to ourselves isn’t as easy… But, both of these things are proven to help with stress, overwhelm and burnout; all things which teachers talk about.

I highly recommend using a gratitude journal or jar with your class and personally, writing 5 things a day you are grateful for, or adding notes to the jar as a class and reading them at the end of the year. Mindfulness is also a must to help with calming your mind, pausing and even getting to sleep; meditation apps (there are heaps), or videos on YouTube are great to use as a class or before bed. A great way to calm the mind and finally be at ease. Both of these things will have ripples into the following days and weeks (if done consistently) and make a huge benefit to how you and your students feel.

  1. Build relationships with EVERYONE

Schools are busy people; colleagues, staff, office people, parents, students… There are so many small communities in one. Building relationships with each group is key, that doesn’t mean everyone, but I would work on developing relationships with those who you are going to be connected to a lot throughout the year. Smile, ask questions, be polite, all these things are free but go along way. Before asking the office staff to do something for you, say hello and ask how they are, contact all your parents telling them something good about their child by the end of week 3, take time out of the first week to just chat to your students and really take an interest in them – all of these things are simple yet very affective and will set you up for the year ahead.

These 5 things are from my own personal first week back to school check list, I trust that by implementing these you will set yourself up for a successful 2019!

TEACHERS – Why your holiday may have done more harm than good…

Holidays are coming to an end…

The late night Netflix binge and a few glasses of wine, sleep ins and no alarm and lazy days with nothing on the to-do list will soon be behind us. Instead we will be hearing the alarm ring before the birds begin to sing, Netflix series will take a term to watch instead of an afternoon and the wine will stay in the bottle until next time.

There is no denying holidays have been fun. You have laughed, played, worked on your tan, read books, caught up with old friends, watched movies in the afternoon and had a few nana naps (something we all love to do).

However, now the end is only a few sleeps away, I hate to break it to you, but you might be better off toning down the holidays and building up the work thing before your first day back and the first alarm clock is set for the year…

Now before you pull that face, cringe a little and exit this blog, let me first share why…

It takes 6 weeks (so they say) to build a habit, and most of us have been on holidays for 6 weeks, which means everything we have been doing consistently, are now habits – the sleep ins, the nana naps, the afternoon TV session and wine afternoons with friends, these are all now habits, your body expects it, and even makes sure it happens (that sleep in is a little easier than you thought hey?).

So if it takes 6 weeks to build a habit, and the ones we have established over the last 6 weeks while on holiday are pretty solid. This means we now need to re-teach ourselves the habits of getting back to school life, but it isn’t easy.

For me, the thought of a 5am alarm and rushing to the gym makes my eyelids heavy, not to mention back to making my lunches and 8am meetings.

So how can you avoid the inevitable back to school battle – easy, start building up those habits needed to get through the day early.  

Luckily, you have been here before, so just like muscle memory, your brain remembers what school is like and the habits you had before holidays, so it shouldn’t be too hard to get things back to where they need to be.

Next week, I’ll be doing a few things to help ease this transition and get me back to work mode before the school bell rings.

Here’s what I suggest you try to help get yourself ready too.

1.       Set your alarm for the same time it would be on a school day and get up! Use this time to move, exercise and begin to think about your 2019 goals. I also like to use this time for journaling and meditating, as well as a walk and listening to a podcast to get me motivated.

2.       Get back to eating like you are at school. On holidays we can eat when we want, but school, as we know, is very different. Soon your meal times will be dictated by the bell and the option of putting off lunch until mid-afternoon may not be possible. Take this week to get back to eating a proper lunch at lunch time. For me, I’ll be doing my meal prep on Sunday like a normally would, but I’ll be eating at home instead.

3.       Get your brain tapping into school by starting to plan your week or meeting with colleagues. After not being in school mode for such a long time, it can be hard to tap into this part of your brain straight away; it will need some warming up before you can get into full swing. To do this, I like to actually go to school and be in the physical space, tidy things up, make sure my classroom and work spaces are organised and ready to go as well as mapping out what my first week will look like. It can even be nice to meet up with a few colleagues and start having conversation which get your brain thinking.

4.       Sleep. This is a must. The week before you are back to school start introducing the idea of bedtime again, aim for 7-8 hrs a night (no less than 7 if you can), and make sure you are on track for getting the sleep you need.

Really, this week is about making sure you are ready for 2019, that you have given your body and your mind the start it needs, and that you are set up and ready to go for an awesome year.

 If you haven’t already, take complete my ‘Reclaim YOUR time’ and/or ‘Reclaim YOUR Energy’, course depending on your needs, and make sure you are putting in place the things you need to succeed.

Make 2019 your year, put you first, and take the time you need to care and value yourself. You are where it starts.

 

TEAHCER – You are top of the list!

As we sit and reflect on 2018, and start to prepare for 2019, it’s easy to start rattling things off the list. Things you didn’t get to do last year, things you think you didn’t do very well, or things that were awesome that you want to do again.

  • I’ll try a new reading program
  • I want a better reading corner
  • My maths needs to be more hands-on
  • I want to try a passion project
  • I want to use flexible seating, not seating plans
  • Peer marking needs to be more consistent

It’s so easy to think about what you want to do in the classroom, with your students, for your students.

But what about this list:

  • I want more time
  • I am not going to take work home
  • I will actually have a weekend free of school work
  • I’ll leave school at a decent hour
  • I won’t spend so much time marking
  • I’ll be more organised
  • I’ll pack my own lunch and not buy it
  • I’ll be healthier
  • I want to exercise every day

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

There is a problem with this second list though… this second list isn’t about your students, your school, or even teaching. This list is about you.

Yes you.

There are two lists for 2019. One is about your students, school and teaching, and one is about you.

So which one gets done? Which one becomes your priority? Which one is top of the list?

It’s not you, is it?

It’s your students, school… it always is.

Well, not this year.

This year is your year to put you first, put you at the top of the list, make you number 1.

So how do you do this?

Start by asking yourself what you want and then say it as if you have it now (because if you wait until school starts, it is never going to happen).

Try these:number one

  • I have all the time I need
  • I leave work by 5pm
  • I don’t take work home
  • I work effectively at school
  • I put me first
  • I eat healthily
  • I move daily

Make these your goals, your mantras and your standards.

Write them on post its and stick them everywhere.. inside your roll, in your car, on your desk, in your diary, on the back of the toilet door.

Putting yourself first means reminding yourself that you are doing this, and you will need reminders every day, because as we know, teachers are great at putting everyone else first, but not this year.

Now it won’t be easy, and it won’t happen instantly, but know that by writing it down, reading these and making some small changes, you are saying yes to you.

BE TOP OF YOUR LIST

Person First, Teacher Second.

Just to share… I have had me at the top of my list for a while now, and will always be top of my list. It meant some pretty big changes but also meant I had to be very clear about what I wanted, what I was happy to give up and let go, even if it meant others didn’t agree, and some still don’t, but that’s not my problem. These are my examples, you will need to find your own, and if you have trouble doing this, let me know. This is something we can do together.

Happy 2019 – You got this!

Get your classroom organised in 2019

For those who know me well, you would know I am a fan of being organised. In fact, it is also something I teach and work with many teachers on.

If you don’t have an organised classroom, or office, or desk, you can constantly feel in a mess! And when you are in a mess at school your whole life suffers.

One of this biggest thing that can get in your way of your day going smoothly is being organised. Bits of paper spread across your desk, piles of student books on the floor, documents saved on your computer but you never know where to find them – this is all adding to the chaos of your day, and can so easily be fixed!

So, with 2018 coming to an end, yes you can pretty much forget it existed, those papers, books and files are done with, but let’s not repeat that same thing for 2019, it’s time to get organised. Here a my top 5 tips for organising your classroom so you can then organise you!

 

  1. Organising student work and assessment:  

Purchase an expandable file, label each tab with a students name and filing is now made easy.

Kmart has these beauties in a range of lovely colours and for only $6.00

https://www.kmart.com.au/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/SearchDisplay?searchTerm=expandable+file&categoryId=&storeId=10701&catalogId=10102&langId=-1&pageSize=30&beginIndex=0&sType=SimpleSearch&resultCatEntryType=2&showResultsPage=true&searchSource=Q&pageView=

  1. A space for rubbers, paper lips and those small bits and pieces

Next time you are in Woolworths, grab yourself one or two of their ice cube trays. They are great for storing the small items you and your students can never seem to find; paper clips, erasers, your marking stamp…

Keep this on your desk and you and your students know where to find things and where to return them.

https://www.woolworths.com.au/shop/productdetails/521895/?istCompanyId=909b5da6-e33c-4de8-a6e2-0861c4cbcd86&istItemId=-xtaimrimar&istBid=t&&cmpid=smsm:ds:GOOGLE:Woolies_SmartShopping_Home+%26+Outdoor:PRODUCT_GROUP&gclid=CjwKCAiAl7PgBRBWEiwAzFhmmsR_PFwgSQ3gBzVx64uaDBtUF6Grr_le65Cud13XUocgK1v9XPLa2RoCJsEQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

 

  1. Desktop clutter

Nothing drives me more insane than messy desks. Pencil pots, rulers and scrap bits of paper can often be seen covering classroom tables at the end of the day, but not any more. This great item from Ikea can serve as a place for all your desktop needs to be stored while you sleep soundly. At then end of each day have students remove all desk items and neatly arrange here and no longer will you have to spend time after school picking  up  the stary pencils, paper or tiny pieces of eraser.

 

https://www.ikea.com/au/en/catalog/products/70333977/

 

4.       Students Mailbox

Student items, messages and notes can be second behind the desk clutter. Try using one of these show racks as individual pouches for student belongings. You can use them for notes to go home, homework or even a place to encourage students to write kind messages to each other. It’s also a great way to keep track of who did and didn’t take their homework home!

 

https://www.amazon.com.au/MISSLO-Pockets-Organizer-Hanging-Storage/dp/B00N2G2UOI

 

2.       Get a good diary

Of course, a good teacher diary is essential to be able to plan your days, lessons and self. The Teachers’ Coach Diary for 2019 is a must have. You can plan lessons and your day, but also plan for you by setting goals, practicing gratitude and recording your top must do’s and like to do’s for the day.

Download your free sample or purchase here:2019-teacher-diary

http://www.theteacherscoach.com.au/organisation  

  

12 Ways to Survive the Last Few Weeks of School

As the end is in sight, so is the list of things you have to do, concerts and presentation night to attend and gifts to purchase. At this time of year it easy to feel overwhelmed, tears ready at any moment and like you are only just going to make it. You fantasize about that last bell ringing on the last day and the last time you walk to your car for the year – because that is when the holidays start!!!

So how are you going to survive?

Here are my top 12 tips for making it through to the very last bell:

1.       Plan in advance

This is no time for winging it – your students are tired, edgy, like a firecracker waiting to go off; any moment of freedom and they will take it and run with it, leaving you looking into the explosion. Avoid this by planning every last minute of your day, giving them no room to explode.

2.       Laugh

Laughter is by far the best medicine in this instance. Laugh with your colleagues, your students and your family too. Everyone deserves to see you laugh, relax and take it easy, even if it is just for a few moments in between playground duty and planning the class party.

3.       Sleep

I know this sounds silly, but now is not a good time to be cutting down on sleep, you need all the energy you can get. Aim for 7-8 hours a night, set a bedtime and make sure lights are out when they need to be.

4.       Get outside

With learning being a little more on the flexible side, and students a little more off task, getting extra moments outside is a way to help keep the calm and balance for everyone. This could be for extra PE, to read a book or to hold a class discussion – the fresh air will do everyone a world of good.

5.       Have Fun

This time of year calls for lots of fun 0 both in and out of the classroom. Plan games, singing and even some craft, let your students end the year doing the things they love.

6. Fill your cup

With so much going on, it can be tempting to just keep going. Don’t. You need to pause. Rest. Take time out. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure you give yourself time to fill yours.

7.       Prepare for the end

At the end of the year there are so many little jobs to do – take down displays, hand out work, file paper that has been on your desk for months… don’t leave this until the last minute, make a list and work through each item starting now. Doing a little bit each day is much easier to manage than doing it all in one go.

8.       Don’t give up

It isn’t the end yet. Hang in there. Don’t give up. Your students need you, they need the vibrant, fun, caring teacher to show up right until the end. You can do this. This is not just great for them, but you too.

9.       Celebrate in moderation

The never-ending chocolate supply, the gingerbread men, more than one Christmas party and a few later than usual nights can very quickly turn into making the last few weeks harder than they need to be. Enjoy the festive season, but take it slowly; remember you have a class of students waiting for you, and no teacher would recommend facing them after a night that went on a tad too long…

10.   CELEBRATE

OK – so I did say celebrate in moderation, but really do CELEBRATE. You made it. You have been amazing. You deserve to celebrate and to enjoy your break. Celebrate with those around you, celebrate the great colleagues you have, thank them. Celebrate your students too. Celebrate the time you now have to spend with family and friends. But most importantly, celebrate you.

 

Humpday (Wednesday) Top Tips (How to use Humpday to get the most out of your week and enjoy your weekend!)

Humpday (Wednesday) Top Tips

(How to use Humpday to get the most out of your week and enjoy your weekend!)

To most teachers, Wednesday is known as Humpday. It’s the middle of the week, the day where Friday is on the horizon and the countdown is on! I get it – Wednesday is definitely a sign Friday is coming.

Wednesday though can certainly play some tricks on us mentally if we don’t use it to our advantage. Wednesday can see teachers excited for the weekend; planning their weekend adventures (and you should be). Wednesday can mean getting excited, counting down until 3pm Friday and watching the next two days fly by.

Wednesday though is a reminder the week is almost over and that a new week is coming up. This is where you really need to focus.

Once Wednesday comes it is easy just to focus on the weekend, and not pay attention to what’s coming – this is why, when Friday arrives, you can find yourself in a flap about what still needs to be done and how another weekend is going to be taken up doing school work and not the things you had planned.

So when Wednesday arrives, instead of focusing on the weekend and what you are going to do, take some time to also focus on what needs to be done before the weekend, before Monday. By doing this, you are giving yourself time to get all your jobs done before the weekend, then when the weekend comes, you can really enjoy it, stress and work free!

Here’s how to make Humpday Wednesday work for you:

1.       Make a list of everything you need to do before Monday.

2.       Choose the ones you are happy to do on the weekend (If any – I try not to), and leave them to the side.

3.       Look at the rest of your week and find the times you have available to get work done – think before and after school and lunch times too.

4.       Schedule in the other tasks you need to do into the available time slots. 

5.       If you have spare time, schedule in the weekend stuff too.

6.       Get the work done!

7.       Plan your weekend 😊

By doing this, you are making sure you are using your times productively AND giving yourself plenty of time on the weekend to do what you love without the doom and gloom of work tasks following you home!

When saying no is OK

Time and time again I hear people responding with yes, followed by them doing things they really don’t want to do. Extra playground duties, meeting the difficult parent, catching up with a friend… Whatever it is, some of us have a big problem with saying no.

This could be because you don’t want to let someone down, you are worried about what others might say or think or you would rather keep someone else happy then do something you just don’t want to do. Sometimes these reasons are OK, but saying yes when you really want to say no, if done often, can quickly build up to resentment, continually feeling annoyed and even being taken advantage of by others because you are the one who always says yes.

Most often though, yes people are managing in two ways, and neither are healthy. The first is someone who says yes and then instantly regrets it, complaining of all the things they have been asked to do for others. The second person says yes instantly, even though deep down they are sick of saying yes, tired, exhausted even, they are hating themselves for putting others needs above their own. Both these people though, are wanting to say no, but just can’t, they don’t know how.

So when is it OK to say no?

This really is something only you can decide, but it really does help if you know what your values and standards are, and can be confident in making decisions which are in alignment with you. You also need to be prepared for some reactions which may be unpleasant (which isn’t about you), especially if people are used to you saying yes.

So what does this look like?

Well, if family is really important to you, it is OK to say no to something because you are making more time for your family, if you value time to yourself it is OK to ask to reschedule or postpone a coffee date because you are valuing you and making time for yourself, and if you are working in your health, it is OK to turn down a pizza dinner with family.

Now I know what you are thinking – but how do I say no exactly?

Try this:

“Can you do my lunch duty, I need to organise my lesson?”

–          “Sorry I can’t, I am making sure I give myself a rest during the day so I don’t burn out’

“Do you want to catch up for coffee Saturday morning?”

–          “I’d love to go for coffee, but not Saturday because I am putting some time aside for me-time, how about another day?”

“Are you coming over for pizza Saturday?”

–          “I’ll come over but I will bring my own food as I am prioritising my health at the moment”

Now these examples will only work for you if they are in line with your values, if they don’t quite sit with you that is totally OK.

So if you are a yes person and you want to work on saying no, knowing your values and making decisions around them is one way to do this.

If you don’t know what your values are, I highly recommend figuring them out. If you are not sure how, I am offering FREE* 30 minute strategy sessions where you can discover your values and how to use them to say no.

*Mention this blog to receive your FREE session